I am very hopeful that the IT’S NOT A COMPLIMENT campaign will have a positive impact on the lives of women and girls in Guyana. I have first hand knowledge of how street harassment changes you and the harm it can cause. I have spent years navigating the gauntlet that walking on New York City’s streets is for women. I put up with instructions to smile, the comments about my body, the kisses and lip smacking, horn blowing and the endless, nasty abuse by strangers. But one experience stands out above all others. I garaged my car in the building where I lived in Manhattan. Every day I would call for my car and one of many attendants would bring it to the front. I began to notice that one of the attendants was overly attentive to me. And he became attentive in a discomforting way, in a way that made me feel uncomfortable and ultimately unsafe. I began to do things to avoid this garage attendant…I always sought to have one of the other attendants fetch my car. Even when one of the other attendants brought my car he found a way to work his way to me to say something about the way I looked that day or to ask where I was going or what I was going to do. As women, we are socialized to be pleasant, to not be abrasive, to not insult or hurt anyone’s feelings, to be polite and so instead of stopping him directly I began to consider moving my car to another garage. Then one day he brought me my car and pointed to a letter that he had left on the car seat. After I left the garage I opened and read this letter. It was a love letter to me from him…and with each word he wrote on that page the personality of a man who was delusional emerged. Then I became downright afraid and I was forced to act. I wrote management and told them in writing the entire story and enclosed a copy of the letter he had left for me. I copied my own attorney on this correspondence. The man was abruptly fired and I was assured that such a thing would never happen again. The funny thing is I always had power over this man. He was an attendant in a garage where I was a paying customer. But I failed to use my power until I could no longer take his frightening behavior. Now we have an opportunity to push back against obnoxious, discomforting and frequently frightening behavior by men against women on streets, in stores, in garages, in office places and everywhere. We do have the power to change this.
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We live in a society that’s drenched in verbal abuse. Very few Guyanese people understand the meaning of respect for others because they have none for themselves. Cat calling, in my opinion has become a social norm amoung us and if a woman openly rebukes it, she is considered ‘up tight’. So I guess my easiest way out would be to ignore and keep walking/ or run if seriously treatened. My worst experience occurred with some primary school boys who were Walking behind me and commenting on my butt. I couldn’t believe how bold they were until one of them ran up and pinched me. He kept on running. I was 20 years old then.
Thank you for commenting Thiffney. It is utterly wrong for women and girls to have to face each day with a sense of dread that they will be targeted for harassment on the streets or in other public arenas. Keep writing, keep speaking out and help us make streets safe for everyone. Pass the word for others to join in the campaign.