Your story resonates with me all too well. During my puberty to adult years I have dealt with this filth! The cat calling and stares into my shirt, the licking of lips etc. It drove me to extreme anger and I chose to wear only dark and “unattractive” clothing in hope of going unnoticed. When this failed, I simply ignored it all and thought I had become immune to the nasty behaviour. As I got wiser and more cantankerous, I decided not to let them take away my freedom. I yelled back things like “ That’s very disgusting!”, “ Shame on you!”; and for the men who thought they had more suave, I replied with a very stern “GOOD MORNING/EVENING” with the most uninviting expression. Now, I just don’t hear them let alone see them. And of course having a husband and child at my side most times is not exactly “sex appeal”.
But I, with my curious mind wondered WHY? why do these men continuously harass women? Why do they believe its okay to treat women with such lack of respect? The answer is simple :They get GRATIFICATION! Why would a stray animal keep visiting you? Because you feed it. I say this in reference to those girls/women who respond positively and reward men for the sexual innuendoes because they believe this is a validation of their beauty and attractiveness. Those girls/women who are lost because they come from homes where fathers are absent or are not involved in their lives enough or don’t remind them of their value and esteem. Those girls/women who come from homes where mothers are still growing up and unable to impart knowledge enough to combat this real- world challenge or teach by example.
Those men in the streets were once boys who spent time hanging with their fathers at shops/bars and observed this behaviour towards women, or whose fathers were absent altogether. Role models are simply missing or confusing in both cases. We forget that children learn with their eyes also.
Men/boys have gone for far too long without being held accountable for their actions that cause women and girls much suffering. “We” the parents are the core of this and other social issues we face, “we” the teachers, the religious leaders, or any other influential figures in society.
Mothers and fathers are the first two persons of the opposite sex that children interact with and this relationship sets fundamentals for all that follow. I do believe, however, with much empowerment and empowering women as models, girls can realise their worth, grow stronger and change this unacceptable culture.
I always say to the young girls in my immediate environment, we have one body and one life, we need to own them and take charge.
BEING BETTER MOTHERS AND FATHERS TO OUR SONS AND DAUGHTERS CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
Author Archives: Margaret Clemons
Margaret’s Story
I am very hopeful that the IT’S NOT A COMPLIMENT campaign will have a positive impact on the lives of women and girls in Guyana. I have first hand knowledge of how street harassment changes you and the harm it can cause. I have spent years navigating the gauntlet that walking on New York City’s streets is for women. I put up with instructions to smile, the comments about my body, the kisses and lip smacking, horn blowing and the endless, nasty abuse by strangers. But one experience stands out above all others. I garaged my car in the building where I lived in Manhattan. Every day I would call for my car and one of many attendants would bring it to the front. I began to notice that one of the attendants was overly attentive to me. And he became attentive in a discomforting way, in a way that made me feel uncomfortable and ultimately unsafe. I began to do things to avoid this garage attendant…I always sought to have one of the other attendants fetch my car. Even when one of the other attendants brought my car he found a way to work his way to me to say something about the way I looked that day or to ask where I was going or what I was going to do. As women, we are socialized to be pleasant, to not be abrasive, to not insult or hurt anyone’s feelings, to be polite and so instead of stopping him directly I began to consider moving my car to another garage. Then one day he brought me my car and pointed to a letter that he had left on the car seat. After I left the garage I opened and read this letter. It was a love letter to me from him…and with each word he wrote on that page the personality of a man who was delusional emerged. Then I became downright afraid and I was forced to act. I wrote management and told them in writing the entire story and enclosed a copy of the letter he had left for me. I copied my own attorney on this correspondence. The man was abruptly fired and I was assured that such a thing would never happen again. The funny thing is I always had power over this man. He was an attendant in a garage where I was a paying customer. But I failed to use my power until I could no longer take his frightening behavior. Now we have an opportunity to push back against obnoxious, discomforting and frequently frightening behavior by men against women on streets, in stores, in garages, in office places and everywhere. We do have the power to change this.
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